Renewing Vows
Verse & Reflection
For this piece, I wanted to address a perspective on marriage that often goes unspoken. The way society portrays marriage sometimes feels rigid, full of expectations and unspoken rules that seem to restrict individual growth. We talk about marriage as if it’s a fixed, unchanging bond, a one-time promise to stay the same person for the rest of our lives. But what happens when one person within that structure starts to change? How do we navigate when the values we entered into it with no longer feel like they fit?
This poem emerged from my own journey of reimagining what a marriage could look like. After 13 years together, I realized that what my partner and I needed was something that allowed room for us to grow as individuals while still staying connected. We were struggling to reconcile the versions of ourselves we had been when we entered the marriage with the people we were becoming. The poem is about making space for those changes, letting go of outdated patterns, and continually adapting to create a relationship that is life-giving, not only to the union but also to each person in it.
It’s about accepting that in order to keep a marriage alive and thriving, parts of it may need to die. It's about allowing both people the freedom to evolve, and in that evolution, finding a way to renew the connection over and over again.
Poem
After 13 years,
I'm beginning to understand
that marriage isn't a single,
lifelong bond.
Instead,
it's made up of many bonds,
each requiring its own commitment
and renewal.
In journeying together,
Old habits must fade,
Making space for new ways,
As we ourselves evolve,
Outgrowing what we once were.
In love, as in nature,
Change is constant.
To keep our bond alive,
We must allow parts of it to die—
The outdated ways, the former selves—
It’s the only path towards growth
and rejuvenation.
Marriage is an evolving landscape,
Requiring us to clear out the old,
To cultivate and renew,
Continuously adapting.
To keep the spark alive,
Let go of what no longer serves you.
Welcome the new beginnings that follow,
And find strength in this renewal.
Integration
I now see marriage or committed partnerships as an ever evolving organism. It is not a singular, static bond but rather a series of commitments that must be continually renewed and adapted.
I'm finding that within it, it’s important to know when to let go of old habits and outdated versions of ourselves to make space for growth and change.
I believe there is a parallel between the natural process of change and the necessary transformations within a marriage, so in order to keep the relationship vibrant and strong, couples need to embrace new beginnings and continuously work on renewing their bond. Marriage as a dynamic and evolving journey, where continuous adaptation and renewal are crucial for sustaining love and connection.
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